Who watches the Watchmen?

I have several friends who have seen me through some really rough depressive episodes.  And while I am greatly appreciative for their support, I would like to take a moment to point out a couple of things.

1)  Having helped someone through a severely depressed spell does not give you permission to automatically hand out unsolicited advice as soon as they mention being unhappy about something, particularly if that advice is handed out without any sort of acknowledgement of said person's mood/state of mind beforehand.

2)  I would highly recommend refraining from offering this advice in tones that include any notes of condescension, self-righteousness, or any general sense of "I am right, you are wrong, and that's all there is to it."  Not only does it really not help in that particular moment, but it also makes you come off as a giant douche canoe (thank you, Jenny Lawson, for that particular compound phrase.)

3)  If you are going to offer immediate, unsolicited advice, I recommend not acting as if the suggestions you are giving are so simple an idiot can do them, can be done at the snap of a finger, or will immediately make everything all better.  Trust me, if all it took to feel better were to "just feel better," the medical industry would be bankrupt.

4)  This is the big one: if your friend tells you they're a little bummed about something, for the love of Peter, Paul, and Mary, do not immediately go into a DEFCON 2 reaction.  Yes, you do want to be prepared for the worst, but sometimes the bummed mood will pass very soon, and the last thing they need is for you to go into overdrive and start throwing items 1, 2, and 3 at them.

Chances are, by doing that, you will in fact make the situation worse, because now, on top of feeling bummed, they feel they're not even allowed to feel a little bummed over the fact that they found out someone they graduated with from college has been cast in the national tour of a hot Broadway show, and meanwhile they are feeling a bit stuck in life as they have no partner, no children, and no amazingly impressive job.

Saying "Go to Grad school, or get a new job, or move to a new place" (particularly when you are six years younger, with a Master's degree, a cushy job, a cute apartment, and a wonderful boyfriend) will only make them want to tell you to go f**k yourself, and then drop dead.  Or so I read somewhere.