Over the weekend, I attended a couple of events at which I was the only single-and-gay person.  For some reason, being in that situation has started making me feel that there is something wrong with me.  Rationally, I know that just because a person--gay or straight--is single, it does not mean there is something wrong with them and therefore they should be left outside the village to die alone.  But emotionally...well, my inner child goes all Veruca Salt and wants to know why all these other people have someone, but I do not!  And it sucks.  It was bad enough being the only gay person at events...but for some reason, being at an event with other gay people, who are happily and monogamously coupled makes me feel like the Sneetch without a star on his belly that is ostracized by the other Sneetches without stars on their bellies.  I hate that feeling.

One of my favorite movies ever is The Object of My Affection.  Not only did it cement my crush on Paul Rudd and make me want to take ballroom dancing lessons, but it created my desire to live in a cute little apartment in Brooklyn.  Every time I watch the movie, I tear up at Jennifer Aniston's speech to Paul Rudd; even though I know I am supposed to identify with Paul's character, I totally identify with Jennifer's.  At least until recently.  When I was younger, I never understood the character of Rodney, played by Nigel Hawthorne.  He seemed nice enough, but he was a lonely, older, single, gay man.  Clearly, to my eighteen-year-old brain, his character was not integral to the plot.

Now that I am older, with a bit more life experience, I have a (possibly irrational) fear of becoming that character, instead of becoming Paul Rudd's charming character.  That scares me to death.  I just can't figure out if what scares me is the thought of being alone for the rest of my life, or being pitied for being alone for the rest of my life.  It's probably the being pitied part.  Whenever I tell someone that I'm okay with not dating anyone, I see that look pass across their face, the look that says "Suuuure you are.  Are you trying to convince me, or yourself? Well, keep telling yourself that, and maybe one day it'll be true..."  Or maybe that's just me projecting.

I had every intent of this post being much more upbeat...or at least funnier.  I realize that single or no, I still have a lot to be thankful for in my life, and for better or for worse, everything happens for a reason.  (And hey, even Jennifer Aniston's character found love eventually...)